Man sues long dead cat

Tony Cutout is currently initiating legal action against his long-dead childnood cat friend.

The action claims that since the cat, Charley, has not given him advice since his death in the late 1980s, Tony’s life has turned to to shit.

Mr. Cutout claims that he depended on the cat to advise him to avoid potentially harmful situations, and that without that advice he has fallen repeated into peril.

Cutout fell into alcoholism shortly after Charley’s death, followed swiftly by heroin addiction. He got clean after a number of years, started his own company, and then lost everything again after being conned in a bogus share deal.

Years of alcoholism and drug use followed, which Mr. Cutout claims could have been prevented by Charley.

Last month Mr. Cutout won a Lottery Jackpot of just over £3,000,000. He has stated that justice has no price, and that he do what he has to do to seek recompense.

Cutout’s solicitor, Neville Shitehawk (of Gobshite, Shitehawk and Pissweasel), says that the claim is entirely justified and that he will persue his client’s wishes, no matter what the expense.

Cats questioned about the issue have responded with varying opinions. Noted shaman Bagpuss went on record to say “yaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwnnnnn”, whilst an American bin-dweller (who cannot be named for legal reasons) stated that he believed that if Charley were still alive he would certainly advise against such a stupid course of action.

Leave a Reply