In a recent report issued by charitable food bank organisation The Soup Dragon Trust, figures show a fivefold increase in uptake of their service over the last two years.
A spokesman for the organisation, Mrs S. Dragon told the Toytown News,
“The really surprising thing about all this is that we operate in such a small community. I didn’t think demand could increase, yet according to our figures we are now serving 436% of the local population. It’s fortunate that we don’t rely on donations or we’d be well and truly stuffed.”
Mrs. Dragon continued,
“The government won’t admit it, but I place the blame firmly at their door. The recent benefits reforms have thoroughly hammered this planet”.
UP THE SWANNEE
One of the service users, Maj. Clanger, was keen to explain his situation.
“We’re right up the swannee”, he told us. “We can’t even afford blue string pudding more than once a week, so the Soup Dragon really is our only option. As an ex-serviceman I really didn’t expect to be so neglected by my country.”
The government department responsible declined to comment on Maj. Clanger’s situation, although our reporter overheard their representative mutter “he can bloody go whistle” as he put the telephone down.